Early in my career as a behavior analyst, I noticed something that would shape the foundation of my work with parents: the idea of the “light switch“. I always credit the unique opportunity I had in graduate school to work with adults with traumatic brain injuries.
I had the privilege of serving on an interdisciplinary team, which afforded me learning outside of the typical degree in behavior analysis and therapy. I learned from neurologists, neuropsychologists, speech therapists, occupational therapists (OT), physical therapists (PT), nurses, case managers, pharmacists, and other behavior analysts.
How Grad School Led Me to the “Light Switch”
Two of my greatest successes involved collaborating with a PT to increase a young man’s participation in physical therapy. He went from refusing therapy with unwanted behaviors such as spitting, yelling, and attempting to hit to participating calmly and eventually learning to walk again!
Another successful collaboration was with a speech therapist. A woman had been in a car accident and her brain injury left her unable to speak, but she could understand spoken language. We started with imitation skills like clapping and waving, then targeted imitation of oral motor movements, such as sticking her tongue out at us, to imitation of sounds, words, and sentences.
In each of these situations, I was able to teach the other professionals that, when the patient’s “light switch” was off, we couldn’t teach or conduct therapeutic sessions. We first supported the patient to get their “light switch” on, and then we broke down their therapeutic tasks into smaller steps, so the patient could experience natural reinforcement. We gradually increased expectations during their therapeutic sessions based on their participation.
Why I Call It the “Light Switch”
After graduate school and before starting Behave Your Best in 2011, I worked for another organization providing early, intensive behavioral intervention to children ages 2-8 with Autism Spectrum Disorders and other developmental disabilities. My primary role involved supervising therapists and supporting parents.
Before having children of my own, I needed a way to connect with parents and build trust. After all, why should they listen to this newbie, fresh out of grad school, who doesn’t have children of her own? I realized I had to translate the science of behavior analysis into parent-friendly terms. I didn’t want them to have to learn scientific jargon just so they could get effective strategies for managing their child’s behavior and connecting with their child. The “light switch” concept was an easy metaphor that parents quickly embraced.
When your child’s “light switch” is off, they’re in meltdown mode. Logic is gone. Emotions are running the show. Nothing you say or do in that moment is going to change their behavior. Trying to reason, discipline, or negotiate with them only adds fuel to the fire.
From “Light Switch” to De-Escalation
One moment in particular sticks with me later on, when I became a mom myself. I was at a store when I watched a mom try to give her son a time out next to a clothing rack. He was upset because she wouldn’t buy him something. When she walked away, he took every single shirt off the rack and threw it to the ground. She returned, frustrated and embarrassed, and dragged him out of the store. My heart broke for her. She was doing her best, but his “light switch” was off.
I’ve been in countless situations like this—at music class, on the playground—where parents’ well-meaning attempts to manage behavior only escalated things. That’s when I realized: parents needed a new framework, one that focused less on reacting and more on prevention.
In our De-Escalation Digital Program, I teach parents how to recognize their child’s “light switch” and keep it on through proactive strategies. Instead of waiting for a meltdown and trying to control it, I share how you can set your child up for success. Because when kids are calm, regulated, and engaged, they’re open to learning, listening, and connecting.
Parents often tell me this shift is life-changing. They no longer dread transitions, outings, or bedtime. They know how to prevent meltdowns, and they feel confident guiding their child through challenges with calm and consistency. That’s the power of the “light switch” concept—it changes not only your child’s behavior, but also your experience as a parent.
